I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
