the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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