Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
