Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize