Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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