Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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