There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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