So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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