pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
