If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
