What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
