It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
