Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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