dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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