I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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