I can tuck mytits in my pants
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.