I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
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Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful