Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice