It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
