My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
