there's paper in my vomit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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