Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
