if i can run in heels then i can drive
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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