When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
