Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Randomize
