Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
