I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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