I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
