i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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