Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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