But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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