she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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