Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
