I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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