doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
