Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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