Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
