He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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