you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
