wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
