I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
