She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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