I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
