Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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