It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
ttyl tear gas
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
