he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
