my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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