I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
