Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
