If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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