Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize