Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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