I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
