Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
