He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
