HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
