Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
