I'm pants shitting drunk right now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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