well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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