Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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