I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
