You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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