this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
