If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
