I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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